The Window Is Getting Fixed Tomorrow.

Portland Police non-emergency line: Non-emergency.

Me: Well, I'm not sure how to put this . . .

PoPo: What is it you need?

Me: Well, there's a hobo doing something gross outside my window.

PoPo: What does "something gross" mean?

Me: Jerking off.

PoPo: Something gross?

Me: Yes. Jerking off. If I had to guess.

PoPo: Is he by himself?

Me: Probably. I only heard one voice. Ew, I hope he's alone.

PoPo: How do you know what he's doing?

Me: I don't. I mean, I didn't go down there and look. But he's grunting and yelling "Yeah! YEAH!" It sounds like jerking off. You asked.

PoPo: Name. Number. Address.

Me: I've heard it twice. It's gross. It's almost 1:00 a.m.

PoPo: (Not impressed. Obviously having to deal with shit like this all the time.) We'll send someone out.

And they did. I heard the cop talking to him (I'm actually fairly certain he knew the hobo by name), telling him to go home. Er, leave this location, as jerker-offer most likely does not have a home in which to jerk it.

But he's at it again. As I write this.

I should add that I am on the 2nd floor and have very sturdy locks. I am not concerned for my safety. Neither should you be. I just want him to shut the fuck up.

I should also add that I'm glad I have not sent this link to my mother. She would flip.

This is why the previous post is important. YOU COULD BE THIS MAN! THIS COULD BE YOUR LIFE!