Pourin' Some Out For My Homies

ATTENTION: This post contains MAJOR SPOILERS for The Wire Season 5. IF YOU HAVE NOT YET WATCHED IT (KERENSA), DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER.

This week's cereal is Honey Nut Cheerios.

Honey Nut Cheerios are Omar Little's favorite cereal, and I chose them this week because I finally finished The Wire. It took me a really long time to do so because Omar died with, like, two episodes to go and because of the pain I turned away.

I have yet to make peace with his death. Omar was a goddamned shining star, and this little blippy about his favorite cereal is certainly not honoring his memory the way he deserves. But I thought in doing this we could all remember him together, share our stories and maybe laugh through our tears while we all clink our spoons together in a toast to all that was Omar.

I guess what I like most about Honey Nut Cheerios is their airy, fresh texture. The first bite is perfectly crunchy, with zero danger of cutting the roof of your mouth, even if your mouth is extra sensitive. While they do tend to get soggy in the milk if you do not eat them quick enough, they generally maintain their crispiness until the very end, like Omar.

Honey Nut Cheerios are just the right amount of sweet. They are a perfect first-thing-in-the-morning cereal because they are pleasant but not shocking. Sometimes when I wake up I don't want Cap'N Crunch right away, because the sugary coating tends to jar my system into a level of fructose I'm not ready for at early morning hours.

Honey Nut Cheerios are as sweet as I need them to be. They also mean business. They are not one to pussyfoot around a job that needs doin'. They are fun, but they know when it's time to be serious. We love to eat them, but sometimes we may be a little afraid to buy them because we have heard that they carry a sawed-off shotgun and go around looking for stash houses to rob. Or maybe we have heard nasty rumors about them, particularly ones comin' from Marlo's peoples that start with "cock" and end with "sucker."

I urge you to ignore these rumors. Underneath all the rough there is a sweet, sensitive cereal with lots of love to give.

So raise your spoons to Omar Little, a man who asked for nothing (except your drugs and your money), and took shit from no one (especially Stringer Bell cuz that fool tried to shoot the damn crown off Omar's grandma's head one Sunday before church). A man who knew how to love (just ask Brandon RIP), but yes, at times could be a bit difficult (Bunk will tell you). He was loyal (to the game and to Butchie again RIP), and he was right about most things (he made Levy look like a total douche during that courtroom scene back in Season 2).

I love you, Omar. You are quite possibly the best character to ever appear on television, and you are the reason I watch Boardwalk Empire (even though there is never enough Chalky White imo).

I propose a new slogan for Honey Nut Cheerios:

All in the game, yo. All in the game.

A Fellow Foodie Shares His Preferences

Today I came across a colleague who I believe deserves recognition.

This young man is the host of "Food Review." The episode below is about Fruit Gushers, but there are also reviews of Pepsi, Diet Coke, and Sweet & Salty Nut Bars. He is thorough and objective like any good reviewer should be, and he speaks directly to consumers with comments on whether or not "it's a buy." He also provides information on packaging and quantity, which is helpful when determining how much one will need to get through the week (for lunches, snacks, etc.) and aides in quick grocery-aisle decisions.

It's refreshing to see such young players in the game. Their opinions are certainly as valued as any veteran's. Excellent work here. Kudos.

Thinking Outside of the Box Tops

This week's cereal is my all-time favorite.



Raisin Bran Crunch is good for you, or at least, it makes you think it's good for you which works for me. Unlike other cereals that are good for you, this one tastes really good and is fun to eat. There is a raisin surprise in every bite, and the granola clusters are sweet but not overpowering. The granola (as well as perhaps a light sugary coating) is the difference between regular RB and RBC, which is important to know because it's important to know what is in your food. The original Rasin Bran is also good, but I never buy it anymore because why would I? It's all about the clusters.

I find that two medium-sized bowls is the perfect amount, because I feel full but not puffy or sick. Sometimes, I will also add a little of my own granola (Vanilla Almond at Fred Meyer or the #1351 bin at New Seasons) for extra fun.

Since we're focusing on Raisin Bran and its derivatives, I think it's a great time to share some tips from a very dear friend of mine, Omar Jones. Omar was lactose intolerant as a child, and this obviously limited his cereal options, or so he thought.

Mom had the answer: orange juice! Yes, OJ! Omar tells me that orange juice is a very tasty accompaniment to the following cereals:

Rasin Bran
Corn Flakes
Special Honey Bunches of Oats
any granola

You'll see that Raisin Bran and granola of any sort are both on the list, so RBC is an obvious OJ-approved choice! However, one should be weary of OJ and any of these cereals (Omar's OJ, No Way! list):

Cheerios
Count Chocula (*sadly, they no longer manufacture this classic, delicious cereal. A favorite of mine well into adulthood.)
Frosted Flakes
Frosted Mini-Wheats
Froot Loops
Lucky Charms
Rice Krispies
Life Cinnamon Toast Crunch

Omar also cautions readers to stay away from Grape Nuts, OJ or not. He says, "I would not put orange juice in grape nuts only because it would be a waste of orange juice. There may be uses for grape nuts, such as soaking up oil spills, or acting as emergency kitty-litter, but eating them even pisses off starving people."

You will have to sample these on your own. I cannot weigh in because I no longer enjoy orange juice. I used it as a chaser to mushrooms and/or whisky a lot in college and now it tastes like either of those things to me. Also, I have never tasted Grape Nuts but am now not eager to.

Feel free to discuss. Do you have any fun cereal tricks? How do you feel about Grape Nuts?

New Year, New You!

My resolutions are:

1. Continue to expand my vocabulary. I will make flashcards of words I don't know and review them each night before bed for maximum absorption.

2. Lose 10 pounds/Establish a strict but practical pilates routine. I have found and will stick to a four-week detox plan through January. Week One: Fruits and veggies only. Hopefully I will poop out all the nasties and come out lean and clean. Also, I will take 30 minutes a day for yoga and stretches and meditative breathing.

I'm pretty sure Bridget Jones made these exact same resolutions.

And now! The moment you've all been waiting for!

Final Ohio Fast Food Count:

Bob Evans (twice)

Cracker Barrel (once, B was NOT impressed)

Wendy's (multiple times)

Arby's (twice, one was inside a truck stop open on Xmas day. A Christmas Blessing!)

Red Lobster (for bro's B-day. Delicious, highest concentration of black people B has ever seen in one place)

St. Louis airport BK

SADLY we did NOT make it to:

Waffle House

Steak N' Shake (like the only one B was actually interested in trying)

O'Charley's

which are all good restaurants and deserve our patronage and attention. However, 10 days is just not enough to sample all the regional fare. Next time.

Hope all you dirtbags have a great 2011.

Here is a list of chain restaurants I'll be taking Bryan to while we're in Ohio

Cracker Barrel

Waffle House

Steak N' Shake

Bob Evans

O'Charley's

Olive Garden/Red Lobster (an either/or situation because we can't afford both)

Possibly Max and Erma's because it is a Columbus icon, chain or not

Perkins if we go to Cleveland

He's never been to any of these and is CLEARLY deprived.

*Tentative, allow last-minute changes/additions if necessary.

Kashit Heart to Heart

This week's cereal is: Kashi's Heart to Heart Honey Toasted Cereal!!

I am skeptical of anything that is good for you, because it will most likely taste like crap. This cereal was chosen for review because my boyfriend does not like any good cereals and came home with this one from the yuppie market next door. Now, I am a very open-minded cereal consumer, but this cereal sucks.

It looks like rabbit food. It has the same grainy, healthy shade of brown. It is shaped like Cheerios but it is not Cheerios! The box shows little berries in there, breathing life into it, so this review might be better if I had some berries to throw in. But I don't believe you should have to add anything to make a cereal good. It should be enough all on its own. It's like when we were kids and my mom always bought Rice Krispies and made us eat them, so we just put a shitload of sugar on top until they were tolerable. This cereal also needs a shitload of sugar before it is tolerable.

This cereal claims to 1. help reduce cholesterol, 2. help support healthy arteries, and 3. help promote healthy blood pressure. I'm sorry, but my heart is not that fucked up. D+

This Isn't About Cereal, You Guys.

But I need to keep fresh.

I just wished this cat that used to hang around my friends' house, like, three years ago a happy birthday on facebook. "happie birthday chauncie," is what i wrote. how fucking embarrassing. Our (seven) mutual friends will see it and be like, whatthefuck it's Halloween is she really at home wishing that dead cat a happy birthday?

We don't know for sure that he's dead, we just guessed since he pretty much lived on the streets the entire time we knew him. We just gave him milk and food from time to time. We didn't let him in.