Portland Police non-emergency line: Non-emergency.
Me: Well, I'm not sure how to put this . . .
PoPo: What is it you need?
Me: Well, there's a hobo doing something gross outside my window.
PoPo: What does "something gross" mean?
Me: Jerking off.
PoPo: Something gross?
Me: Yes. Jerking off. If I had to guess.
PoPo: Is he by himself?
Me: Probably. I only heard one voice. Ew, I hope he's alone.
PoPo: How do you know what he's doing?
Me: I don't. I mean, I didn't go down there and look. But he's grunting and yelling "Yeah! YEAH!" It sounds like jerking off. You asked.
PoPo: Name. Number. Address.
Me: I've heard it twice. It's gross. It's almost 1:00 a.m.
PoPo: (Not impressed. Obviously having to deal with shit like this all the time.) We'll send someone out.
And they did. I heard the cop talking to him (I'm actually fairly certain he knew the hobo by name), telling him to go home. Er, leave this location, as jerker-offer most likely does not have a home in which to jerk it.
But he's at it again. As I write this.
I should add that I am on the 2nd floor and have very sturdy locks. I am not concerned for my safety. Neither should you be. I just want him to shut the fuck up.
I should also add that I'm glad I have not sent this link to my mother. She would flip.
This is why the previous post is important. YOU COULD BE THIS MAN! THIS COULD BE YOUR LIFE!
